Self discovery is a gritty thing and involves perseverance along the way. When you lived in a position that you totally let it consume you, it can leave multiples of damage mentally, and emotionally. Years ago they called it manic deprression, today its called bipolar. I’m very bipolar and not a bit ashamed to say that. But it can and will mess with you in a variety of ways, some people can’t deal with it, and turn and take there lives. I know, I’ve almost been there, or rather I had been in this exact seat i’m talking about.